


I Try to Capture Every Minute

by captainDrC (Alcosta314)



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bellamy PoV, Canon, F/M, mentions of becho bc it exists, not actually bellarke but tagged bc that's the main focus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-18
Updated: 2018-06-18
Packaged: 2019-05-25 04:44:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14969378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alcosta314/pseuds/captainDrC
Summary: “Does this radio even work anymore?” Bellamy asks, palming the worn receiver before setting it in their collected pile of scraps for Raven.“I don’t know, maybe.” Madi replies, her voice stiffly dismissive in a way that catches Bellamy’s attention.Or: Bellamy is struggling to deal with everything on the ground when Madi spills the beans on Clarke's radio calls.





	I Try to Capture Every Minute

**Author's Note:**

> I've seen more fics recently from Clarke's PoV so I attempted to write somewhat accurately from Bellamy's. This was something I wrote at like 2 am and I realized I will probably never come back to it, so here it is.

It had been a few hours since Raven and Echo escaped Eligius after disarming the Eye. They hadn’t managed to find Emori and Murphy, which still pained Bellamy, but he was glad his family was beginning to unite again. 

Things with Echo were different, though. She was reluctant to talk about her mission- reluctant to talk to Bellamy at all, and he didn’t know what to say or how to break down her walls. She recoiled from his touch and avoided his eyes, and Bellamy wondered what had changed during her assignment.

On the ring, things were easier between them, especially after the first few years. They had hours to talk, to sit in comfortable silence and learn each other's ticks and habits. He thought he knew how to get her to open up, to be vulnerable with him, but nothing seemed to be the same on the ground. 

What he wouldn’t give for more time now, time to process everything that had happened over the past few days. It was funny- on the ring, Bellamy counted the days, dreading the time left and sludging through hours as they passed, but here on Earth, they slipped through his fingers like water. He desperately tried to grasp them in his hands, to slow all the bloodshed and tragedy and change, but no matter how he tried, time kept flowing on, leaving him to struggle to stay afloat. 

The adrenaline, the pain, the death- it was everything he remembered on the ground, and the memories returned to him in vivid detail now that he was here, whereas on the Ring, they were carefully muted. Softened at the edges and brightened where it used to be dark. So he knew going back wouldn’t be easy, but he didn’t expect it to be this hard.  
He thought it would be better once he found his sister. He had never been more hopeful after he had found Clarke. He had allowed himself to believe in a fantasy, but he should’ve known that dreams don’t survive on Earth. 

Still, he had been willing to face it, to deal with his tyrannical sister and her bloodthirsty cult, the hardened prisoners from Eligius, and the horrific challenges Earth threw his way because he had his family together, and miraculously Clarke. Clarke- a girl who stood by his side six years previously, shouldered his burden, and saved his life too many times to count. 

But now, his family was being torn apart, and Clarke could barely look at him. It was unnerving- his memories from Earth were riddled with moments of her understanding gaze, her unwavering trust in him. Even when they hated each other, he always inherently knew what to say. Realizing that he didn’t anymore- not really- unsettled him more than he could handle. There was a disconnect between them, one he didn’t know how to cross. And even if he did, he wasn’t sure who he would find. Who was she, after six years? He hadn’t thought how she could change- hadn’t even entertained the idea she was alive. He had tried to slip back into the same partnership they had but found they no longer moved with ease. There were parts of her that were unfamiliar to him- that he didn’t have time to make sense of. And that uncertainty, the feeling that he didn’t really know Clarke anymore, threatened to bring down the fragile fortress around Bellamy’s heart completely. 

***  
While Octavia worked with Clarke on establishing a path to the valley- now that Eye was down, Raven sent Bellamy to gather anything useful she could use for weapons and communications. He hadn’t really known where to look, until he bumped into Madi outside her and Clarke’s tent, and she suggested checking the rover. 

They sit in companionable silence as they sort through the various tools and materials in the rover. Madi leans comfortably against the side, with an ease that only serves to remind Bellamy of all the time he had missed. 

The rover used to be his safe haven; driving being something he could do other than kill. It was peaceful, secure. He still feels that serenity now, but in a different way. Written inside the rover- from the incomplete sketches thrown haphazardly onto the floor, to the rifle tucked into the corner, to Madi sitting with ease inside- is Clarke. She’s adorning the walls, woven into the blankets, and mixed in with the air he breathes. She’s an indescribable feeling, something more than just happiness, but Bellamy can’t help but feel as if he’s intruding. Because for all he knew Clarke six years ago, he had never seen her truly at peace. He had never seen her truly happy, and sitting here, in her rover, almost feels like meeting someone new. 

“Is Echo your girlfriend?” Madi suddenly blurts, shaking him from his thoughts. 

Bellamy looks up, surprised. “Yes,” he replies slowly. “Why do you ask?”

Madi shrugs nonchalantly. “Clarke never mentioned that in her stories.”

Bellamy clears his throat awkwardly. “We didn’t get together on the ground, so Clarke wouldn’t have known.”

“Oh.” 

“It’s weird- everyone is so different from what she said they’d be like.” Madi says after a pause. 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Octavia was supposed to be a hero. Murphy was supposed to be funny.”

He chuckles lightly. 

“You were supposed to be her best friend.” Madi continues, voice so soft and sad that Bellamy barely hears.

But the quietness of her words does nothing to lessen the sting he feels. He inhales sharply as his heart clenches, threatening to crack the walls that surround it. 

“I just-...A lot has changed, and I- I don’t think she wants to talk to me anymore.” Bellamy responds carefully, not sure if he’s trying to reassure Madi or himself. 

Madi snorts but quickly sobers to cover it up.

“What?”

“Nothing.” Madi says, turning back to her sorting.

God, Bellamy forgot how exasperating kids could be sometimes. He sighs and returns to his own work, guessing that Madi will tell him eventually. Teenagers aren’t exactly great at keeping secrets. 

As he shuffles through the various things in the rover, he finds an old radio, recognizing it as the one he used to talk to his sister before Praimfaya. A wave of emotion threatens to crash over him, but he does his best to push it back. More water behind the dam. More pressure to crack the walls. But he doesn’t want to think about that right now.  
“Does this radio even work anymore?” Bellamy asks, palming the worn receiver before setting it in their collected pile of scraps for Raven. 

“I don’t know, maybe.” Madi replies, her voice stiffly dismissive in a way that catches Bellamy’s attention. 

He pauses and stops sorting the scrap. Madi has her head turned away from him, eyes purposely averted from his gaze as she continues to comb through the rover. 

“What do you mean?” he presses. “Didn’t you use it?”

Madi sneaks a quick glance at him but turns her eyes quickly. “I didn't. Clarke did.” 

“How does that work?”

Madi pauses as if in deliberation. She finally turns fully toward him, meeting his gaze. “She would radio you every morning. It never went through, but I don’t think it was because of the radio. You can try it though, if you want to.”

Bellamy’s breath catches in his throat and his heart stutters in his chest. The pressure in his chest increases, straining against its restraints. 

“She radioed me?”

Madi watched him sadly, eyes softening in a way that was so Clarke. Cracks on the wall materialize, fracturing the surface throughout. 

“Yeah. Not so much when I was around, though.” Madi continues, voice growing thicker with emotion. “She didn’t want me to know that I wasn’t enough for her. She loved me, but- she was always missing something.”

Bellamy hears in her words what she didn’t say. _You. She was missing you._

____

____

The dam breaks completely. Memories- hours of pain held back for another time- for later, always later, flood through, cold and thick, unyielding and overwhelming. And Bellamy no longer tries to stay afloat.


End file.
